Fed Up

I have tried so many times to start this blog, but each time the battle was lost before it even began. After reading friends' entries, I thought "There's no way I can compete with that." Not that I have to, but in my head I would always be comparing my work with theirs and finding mine lacking.

Then I got Fed Up.

Fed Up with second-guessing my writing. Fed Up with not writing enough because I am too afraid that I have forgotten how to write well. My first year at college did not exercise my writing muscles as much as I'd hoped it would, which was disappointing. Academically speaking, I was more challenged and wrote more during my senior year of high school than freshman year of college.

I was Fed Up with giving up. So what if I'm just rambling without any coherent structure or Big Thinks? Though I'd like to think this will be somewhat more sophisticated than my xanga entries from my middle school years, I can't get rid of this nagging doubt that five years from now I'll think all of this is crap. And so what if that happens? Is that so bad? Writing captures my thoughts, emotions, and ideas as they are RIGHT NOW, and I have no way of knowing which will still be relevant to Future Me, and which will be thrown into the deep blue sea, to be caught in the vast expanse of the InterNet, and most likely thrown back, like underweight tuna. I feel like playing with capitalization today, maybe punctuation tomorrow, and who knows, perhaps I'll write a cinquain or two while I'm here.

I have a few goals for this blog: 1. I'd like to be able to write these posts without editing until the entire entry is done, and without deleting any content. I need to learn how better to ignore my very loud, bossy, coffee-drinking, chain-smoking harlot of an inner editor. I've always been a perfectionist when it comes to my writing, and now that I have an internship with a small publishing company where I do nothing but edit all day, it's harder than ever for me to get out of editing mode.
2. I want to write a little every day. I hope that writing regularly for this blog will get me in the habit of writing every day, although I most likely won't post more than once or twice a week.
3. Some readers would be nice, but if I stay my blog's only reader, I'd still be happy.

So look out world! I'm a leaf on the wind, watch me soar.